Imagining Embiid and Maxey’s secret recruitment pitch to LeBron James and Rich Paul (2024)

So many fans’ minds are laser-focused — for good reason — on the myriad ways Daryl Morey and his brain trust might upgrade the 76ers’ firepower. Paul George, LeBron James and OG Anunoby are a few of the top free agents prepping to hit the 2024 NBA free agency market.

Brandon Ingram is likely preparing to suit up for his third team next season. Jimmy Butler and Donovan Mitchell may not be on the move just yet but there’ve been enough rumors about their respective futures to conjure up at least one Jim Carrey catchphrase.

But no matter what Morey and Elton Brand may have planned (from secret smoke signals, to mental telepathy, or the less slick Knicks’ approach of simply become the star’s godfather, then when he’s grown have your own adult son become his agent, then hire his pops as an assistant) they may need some help recruiting from none other than Joel Embiid and Tyrese Maxey themselves.

Draymond Green once talked about how he was plotting to pilfer Kevin Durant from Oklahoma, a year before he joined the Dubs, mere weeks after Green’s winning his first championship in Golden State back in 2015.

And the same night that the Dubs defeated the Thunder one year later in ’16, Green famously texted Kevin Durant that they should have a max available for him, and ‘let’s win some championships together.’

There were even firsthand accounts of an infamous postgame Facetime chat.

When Steph Curry, Andre Iguodala, Klay Thompson and Green showed up in person to woo KD at his Hamptons spot that summer, it spawned the genesis of the ‘Hamptons Five’ nickname for an eventual Warriors’ dynasty.

Before that there was Dwyane Wade’s revealing he called LeBron James the very same night that Kobe Bryant won his fifth and final ring.

Just three weeks later, we got “The Decision.”

So how many calls, texts, Facetimes, and pop ins have Joel and Tyrese already made? How many will they make now that the Sixers have nearly $65M in cap space to work with?

Will they eventually get to reveal to Jimmy Kimmel how they wooed LeBron and helped him narrow the ring gap between King (4) and His Airness Michael Jordan (6)?

Let’s imagine a hypothetical pitch that Embiid and Maxey might make to lure LeBron to the Sixers

Photo by Garrett Ellwood/NBAE via Getty Images

Traditionally, Embiid has been admittedly hands off when it comes to Philadelphia’s offseason. You can hear his voice in your auditory memory reminding fans he’s “not the GM,” placing his characteristic emphasis on the G rather than the M.

Embiid has even been (gently) criticized on occasion by diligent, on the qui vive reporters working the Sixers beat for not doing more to persuade past front offices to do the right thing — when it’s patently clear they’re steering awry.

Remember when Sixers Super Sleuth Legs spotted Jo and Al Horford following each other on Twitter days before 2019 FA began?

Did Embiid see what was coming that summer or was he blindsided?

He’s made no secret over the years that he still regrets the franchise trading away Jimmy Butler. I believe it was Rich Hofmann, now Newsletter editor and podcaster with PHLY_Sports, who has pointed out that Embiid was pretty much hands off that offseason.

Jo, if you want Jimmy that badly, maybe don’t flirt online with Old Man Horford then B-Line for the beach playing wait-and-see what your known trainwreck of an “Owners-former-Colangelo-lieutenants-Collaborative-front office” does?

Embiid and Maxey may well need to convince another star that they, as a trio, can win an ever-elusive championship in Philly. And who better to start with than the King himself?

Let’s imagine a hypothetical secret pitch.

Photo by Tim Nwachukwu/Getty Images

Photo by Jim Poorten/NBAE via Getty Images

The gang FaceTimes LeBron James, who happens to be sipping red wine with Rich Paul at his Beverley Hills mansion outdoor lounge

(Phone rings.... Bron actually answers!)

Embiid: (straight-faced) Hey LeBron, what’s up? It’s Joel and Tyrese.

Tyrese (beaming): Hi, Mr. James!

LeBron James: yooooo, what’s good fellas! Yo Rich, it’s the Philly superstars!

Tyrese: Hi, Mr. Rich!

Rich Paul: Sup young buhl! How’s vacation?

Tyrese: Oh you know, coach Nurse insisted I go to Cancun and then Texas to see fam, but don’t worry, I have been putting in work every day anyway. One percent better every day!

Paul: Love to hear that. Sorry again about All-NBA.

Maxey: (genuinely): ohh you know, it’s all good, thank you.

LeBron: Jo, how you livin’? How’s Anne, how’s Arthur? Rese, my man, how’s your family?

Embiid (blushing): They’re good, real good. Arthur’s gonna be four soon, so you know we already got him working on his game.

[The iPhone cam quickly pans to Arthur, at Embiid’s, bouncing a kid-size b-ball while jumping up and down in place].

LeBron: ha-HA! Oh you got little man grinding already! We couldn’t even get Bronny to start that early. My dudes gonna be big too.

Joel: You know it. My fiancé helps a lot too ‘cause you know I got to play my FIFA.

(LeBron and Rich laugh a little too hard, alerting the Sixers’ duo that they’re already a bit lit on the Bordeaux from Bron’s cellar).

Paul: Jo, I got to say it. One, you’re CAA, not Klutch. ‘Rese, tell your boy to come to the Dark Side. And listen up Jo, we think your injury cost my man an All-NBA spot so he can only make $204.5M, not the quarter bill. we wanted. You shoulda sat that one in Golden State out.

Joel: (chuckling nervously, is this going south already?) That’s my bad. We were on a losing streak so I-

Tyrese: — Nah, stop it. It’s all good. You know I’ma use it as motivation this summer with Drew [Hanlen].

Rich: I’m just playing, just playing. Bron broke out the good grape so it’s all love!

(LeBron and Rich laugh heartily).

Joel and Maxey: (nervously join in with the Ray Liotta Goodfellas over laughs) LOLOLO!

(Once the merriment subsides with a sigh, with four people on the line, no one is quite sure who will speak next so there’s a long, mildly awkward pause before Joel cuts to the chase).

Embiid: Listen, we don’t want to keep you. But (peaks down at an index card Daryl Morey prepped — not pictured) the Lakers only won 41 games per year the last four seasons just with a low plus-minus and the analytics estimates on average that with the new CBA —

Tyrese: (realizes they’re losing the audience, flings the card and jumps in) Bottom line, we want you here in Philly. We’re gonna tell Daryl to draft Bronny at 16, then we were thinking, maybe you and Rich could also convince KCP to come too?

LeBron: (intrigued, yet maintains a Kingly demeanor, slowly placing down his full glass) Go on....

Embiid: You won a ring with KCP. He’s already in the Klutch Fam. Me, you, ‘Rese, KCP, maybe Lowry, Nico, plus I was reading on Liberty Ballers we’d still have four MORE firsts after taking Bronny, then an $8M exception, and a whole stack of vet min. deals too.

[Rich raises his eyebrows and mutters inaudibly to LeBron. LeBron furrows his brow and tugs on his GOAT beard].

Maxey: (a little too enthusiastically) “and and and whatever ring-chasing vets only you know how to recruit! Like umm...

LeBron: (suddenly leaning forward in his chair) maybe like... (to Rich) is K-Love a free agent? Maybe JaVale, J.R., Shump, Tristan, R.J. and —

Rich: (well rehearsed in redirecting his lifelong bud) — yeah, or whoever Daryl and I think could help. I get what ya’ll are sayin.’ It’s definitely interesting fellas.

LeBron: (believing he’s hit the mute button, but being a bit of a boomer, misses it — muttering to Rich) I’d have to talk to the fam about moving? You know how that would go. Plus, I traded KCP and Kuz for Russ, they still mad?

(Rich shakes his head and sighs).

Maxey: Did you know that Taco Tuesday is really big in Philly, too? Not just cheesesteaks.

LeBron: TACO (takes massive inhale)....

Rich: (doing some quick calculus) So Bron would get say $48M, KCP maybe $17M? ‘Rese you’re $35.3M...Bronny would get $4M at No. 16 then —

LeBron:... TUESDAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! HAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Joel: (smelling opportunity) Hell yeah! Anne’s from Rio too. She put me on to ordering Feijoada and Empadão.

(Suddenly, Arthur overhands his ball and it smashes Tyrese right in the face.)

Joel: (snapping into dad mode) Arthur, apologize! (The L.A. dudes laugh).

Maxey: No, no, it’s all good. That was a dime, I shoulda caught it. Me and Drew gonna work on that.

(Arthur cackles mischievously, shades of Troel Jr).

Rich: He’s already Troel Jr. isn’t he? Nah, but f-k that —oh my bad Jo! Didn’t mean to cuss. But yo, I’m still mad at Daryl about the way the whole Ben thing went down... whatever. It’s business, but Daryl is the one who has to apologize.

LeBron: (laughs knowingly, then uses his deepest voice possible): and his tweet but we’d need to pop that burgundy next if you wanna rehash that one. LOL!

(Embiid and Maxey both nervously hit the Liotta laugh).

Embiid: Don’t get us started on that one!

Maxey: I don’t know, Ben was always really nice to me.

Bron: listen ya’ll, we got to jet. We’re going to catch Cameron Brink at Crypto.

Maxey: She’s nasty! All right ya’ll! (Peaks at Morey’s index card for things they forgot to say). But yo! Remember, L.A. has too many banners. All you’d do there is tie Kobe and Magic with five rings. But just one chip in Philly!? And you’re getting statues in literally four cities and —

Rich: a really small statue!

Bron: Yo, I was about to say the same s—t! Jinx!

(Gives Rich a bro pound and laughs deeply).

(More sycophantic, almost psychotic, Liotta laughter from the two Philly salesmen).

Rich: Jo, one thing before we jet. I got to ask. If Bron wants that ring for the pinky finger, how are you gonna take care of your body to make it ‘til late June?

Joel: Yeah, I mean. This year was hard for me to be a little bit honest. Just, I’m out on the MVP, the awards, the caring about ducking Denver stuff, the 65 games bulls—t. If I had you guys holding it down, I would just do some load management and let Josh Harris pick up the fines ‘til the playoffs.

LeBron: (standing, makes the creaky old man getting up off the coach sound) Arthur! You want me in Philly? Who would be the Finals MVP though?

Joel: (scoops up Arthur and whispers in his sweet toddler voice) Arthur, What sound does the goat make?

Arthur: (blinks shyly)

Maxey: (gets it) BahhhhHhhHHHh!

Arthur: (laughs, beaming now): BahhhHHhhHHhHH!

All: (even Anne, hearing the commotion enters and joins in) BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!

(Arthur’s laugh has them now all laughing and GOAT bleating uncontrollably, as suddenly LeBron tugs his beard and pictures himself with an actual castle in Cherry Hill and six rings).

Bron: Aiight ya’ll. Stay safe. Let’s be in touch about this, I think you may be onto something. I’ma talk about this with Rich. My wife and Jeanie Buss would kill me but man, Rob said something about hiring JJ and bringing in Kevin Knox and Jarrett Culver so we may have to bounce at some point.

Rich: Better than Doc!

(All laugh, even Arthur)

Maxey: Ya’ll are harsh. (SMH) Aiight ya’ll. One percent better every day, Go Sparks! Rich hit me about that charity jawn next week.

Rich: Bet.

Bron: peace.

Joel: TRUST THE PROCESS!

Bron: f*ck it. Trust the Process!

Joel and Maxey: He said it! He said it! It’s on! LFG!

Bron: (laughing) Ya’ll too crazy for this one. Peace. (Click).

Joel to Maxey: how do you think that went?

Maxey: I’m always optimistic but I think really good. Now let’s do Paul George while we’re warmed up. Or should we just get in your private jet and fly out?

Joel: You’re right. Take the P.J. to P.G.’s! Honey!! We’re heading out!